Actually, I've watched this video long time ago. In fact, I've watched it so many times already. Why I choose this video as this entry simply because.... I feel that this video some how related to me. Entahlah. Tak tahu nak cakap macam mana. Semenjak dari kecil lagi, saya memang rapat dengan ibu. Ibu ibarat kawan baik saya. Almost every single thing about what happen to me, my secrets, she knows. I will always share it with ibu. Ibu always have time for me. During my diploma days back in Lendu, ibu pasti akan call sekurang-kurangnya dua hari sekali. Tapi jaranglah macam tu. Selalunya sehari sekali mesti ibu call. Kadang-kadang tak sembang apa pun. Cukuplah sekadar mendengar suara ibu dan bertanyakan khabar. Memang pakai BBM pun boleh tanya khabar, tapi bukankah suara ibu adalah suara yang paling seronok untuk di dengar setiap hari? (but mom, not your high pitch voice for sure. LOL) Sehinggakan markah mid term pun saya akan ceritakan dekat ibu. Kalau setakat laporan harian "hari ni makan apa?", I bet she can create a diary just to list down my meals every single day. That's how close our relationship!
Unlike me and bapak. We barely talk for the past years. It's not that we're not on talking terms. We're okay. Just okay. Bukan saya bergaduh dengan bapak ke apa. Cuma we're not close. I can feel the gap. That makes me not comfortable sharing stories with him. Sometimes, I can see that he is trying so hard just to create conversations with me. Lagilah kalau kami berdua je dalam kereta nak pergi mana-mana. AWKWARD MOMENT with my own dad. Maybe betul kata Ustaz Don, I craved for his attention but he denied. I think now it's my turn to deny his. Please don't get me wrong. This is not a revenge. Its just come naturally. However, I never put the blame on him. I understood with perfect clarity. Bapak sibuk dengan kerja. Bapak sibuk mencari nafkah untuk keluarga. Saya tahu beban dan tanggungjawab yang bapak pikul untuk membesarkan kami adik-beradik. I know, bertapa susahnya bapak ketika itu. He took Masters program as part time, having night classes while 9am-5pm daily jobs awaits him on the day. If you ask me, I don't thing I have the strength to do exactly that. For that, thank you dad. Thank you for all the sacrifices you have made for us all. :') and I'm sorry for not saying "thank you" that often to you verbally, but deep inside I always did.
This entry is not an entry showing my disappointment towards bapak. Jauh sekali niat untuk mempertikaikan. Hanya sekadar ingin berkongsi rasa. Hidup ini tiada yang sempurna. Kita tidak mampu mengecap segala yang kita impikan. Bukan semua benda yang kita inginkan, kita mampu memilikinya. Samalah juga dengan bapak. Demi ingin mencari rezeki untuk keluarga, terpaksalah bapak bekerja keras membanting tulang pagi petang siang malam dan tanggungjawab untuk meluangkan masa bersama anak-anak diserahkan kepada ibu. Sebelum kita pertikaikan tindak-tanduk mereka selama ini, tepuk dada tanya selera. If we were them, would we be the same?
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